Grindstone '14

It seemed all too familiar, different year with a different setting.  Dark thoughts loomed through my mind, my body was hot and tired, and I felt that with each step I had to exert twice the energy.  As I slugged into the mile 22 aid station all I could think of was Vermont 2013.  I asked myself, "If I feel this bad now how the hell am I going to push through another 79+ miles"?  And though they didn't say a word of how bad I looked, my crew and good friends Rich and Crystal, were probably thinking  the same thing.

The race had started at promptly 6 PM Friday afternoon with cloudy skies and light rain.  Throughout most of the night the rain would come and go, sometimes heavy and when it would subside fog would set in and make visibility poor.  This was Grindstone.  This was the race that would help me get it all back, in both redemption and confidence, this was a race that had the potential to rip you raw.

After a few minutes at 22 I changed my shirt, and changed my mind.  This wasn't going to be easy, heck GS100 is a Hardrock qualifier and has the reputation as being one of the toughest 100's on the east coast.  The air was wicked humid, the rocks were slippery, and the long mountain climbs were brutal.  But just as the wind changes the race changed for me, I settled into a pace that would carry me to the end.

I would see my crew two more times before Rich hopped in with me at the turnaround.  With over half the race behind me it was time to get my buckle, time to get my finish that I needed for so many reasons.  The downhills would get tougher as we power hiked and shuffled along.  As we went through each aid station I did my best to fuel and Rich did his best to keep me moving forward...relentless forward motion.  We enjoyed times of good conversation and times of silence, all at the right times.

As we entered our second night, and into the late miles, fatigue was really setting in and the hallucinations began.  I recall seeing an aid station that wasn't there, I saw small rocks that smiled at me, trees that somehow became children that would grab at me, and I saw my sister.  Until writing this Kelly is the only person that I have told, it shook me big time.  It was a tree in the form of Caryn and I saw her face, and just as quickly as I saw her she left.

As we entered our next to last aid station, mile 87 I believe, I had to make sure I wasn't still seeing things...Kelly had come to see me!  Kelly, her mom, and our girls were at a nearby wedding.  She had put the girls to bed and left them with her mom and snuck out late in the night.  Kelly has always been at my long races, either as a running buddy, or my crew and pacer.  She knows me better than anyone as both a person and runner, god it was so great to see her...but as I expected she cracked the whip on me a little and made me fuel and drink better.  It was incredible to see her!

Rich and I would slug along for the last miles, we saw the girls one more time at a small aid station, and we would wind through what I was convinced was an endless maze of rock, creek beds, ups and downs until we found ourselves not too far from where it all began nearly a day and a half prior.  With each step the finish line became closer and all the training and sweat over the summer would quickly come to an end.

I completed Grindstone in just over 35 hours, received my buckle, hugged the totem pole, and finally got back all that I had lost over a year ago in Vermont.  It was HARD to say the least, it is a hell of a course that meanders the mountains of Virginia.  Grindstone gave me all that I wanted and more...it gave me miles of solitude, miles of conversation, a chance to hang with good friends, a chance to see my wife when I needed her the most.  It gave me the best and worst of times.

A big thanks to Rich and Crystal, without you two this doesn't happen. And countless thanks to Kelly for always believing in me, putting up with all my training, and for being my best friend and running buddy for life.

Until next time...

Changing

I fought the notion for years that people don't change, everything changes around them.  I would argue that we were in some shape or form that same person we were ten years ago and the same person we'd be ten years forward.  I was more than wrong, in fact I may have changed more than anyone.  Although I may be the same person in some shape or form my outlook and views are much different than years past.

Perhaps some of my changing has come from getting older but most of its came from a good combination of good luck, shitty circumstances, watching the kids grow, a bad ass soon to be wife, and exploring miles of trails.

This past weekend I completed the Bull Run 50 Miler, a course I ran in 2012, and through some unseasonably warm spring air I took time to reflect on the whole "where I was and now where I am".  I started the race with my good buddy Rich and after the first few miles together we wouldn't meet until the last few.  There were stretches throughout the day were I found myself alone, no one in sight.  It was during these times that I enjoyed the silence and took a personal inventory of my life.

I've had some tough times over the last couple years but I've also been fortunate to have more than my share of good in my life, actually I have a ton.  Sure enough the bad sometimes overshadows the good but again I am fortunate to find those silent miles on dirt trails.  They remind that I'll always have memories, but most importantly they help restore gratefulness.

As the race came to an end I found Kelly a few miles from the finish line or maybe she found me, that could be a matter of opinion, and we were able to share some trail miles together.  I really was excited to see her, although from what I was told my face didn't show it (love you Kell!)  As much as I was shocked to see her (I thought it would be a finish line hug) we caught up to Rich and his wife Crystal and we'd all finish close together.  

BRR50 was important to me, although my finish time was a little slower than anticipated it was a boost of confidence, especially after DNF'ing last year at Vermont. 

As always it's part of a puzzle....See you at Grindstone!