It seemed all too familiar, different year with a different setting. Dark thoughts loomed through my mind, my body was hot and tired, and I felt that with each step I had to exert twice the energy. As I slugged into the mile 22 aid station all I could think of was Vermont 2013. I asked myself, "If I feel this bad now how the hell am I going to push through another 79+ miles"? And though they didn't say a word of how bad I looked, my crew and good friends Rich and Crystal, were probably thinking the same thing.
The race had started at promptly 6 PM Friday afternoon with cloudy skies and light rain. Throughout most of the night the rain would come and go, sometimes heavy and when it would subside fog would set in and make visibility poor. This was Grindstone. This was the race that would help me get it all back, in both redemption and confidence, this was a race that had the potential to rip you raw.
After a few minutes at 22 I changed my shirt, and changed my mind. This wasn't going to be easy, heck GS100 is a Hardrock qualifier and has the reputation as being one of the toughest 100's on the east coast. The air was wicked humid, the rocks were slippery, and the long mountain climbs were brutal. But just as the wind changes the race changed for me, I settled into a pace that would carry me to the end.
I would see my crew two more times before Rich hopped in with me at the turnaround. With over half the race behind me it was time to get my buckle, time to get my finish that I needed for so many reasons. The downhills would get tougher as we power hiked and shuffled along. As we went through each aid station I did my best to fuel and Rich did his best to keep me moving forward...relentless forward motion. We enjoyed times of good conversation and times of silence, all at the right times.
As we entered our second night, and into the late miles, fatigue was really setting in and the hallucinations began. I recall seeing an aid station that wasn't there, I saw small rocks that smiled at me, trees that somehow became children that would grab at me, and I saw my sister. Until writing this Kelly is the only person that I have told, it shook me big time. It was a tree in the form of Caryn and I saw her face, and just as quickly as I saw her she left.
As we entered our next to last aid station, mile 87 I believe, I had to make sure I wasn't still seeing things...Kelly had come to see me! Kelly, her mom, and our girls were at a nearby wedding. She had put the girls to bed and left them with her mom and snuck out late in the night. Kelly has always been at my long races, either as a running buddy, or my crew and pacer. She knows me better than anyone as both a person and runner, god it was so great to see her...but as I expected she cracked the whip on me a little and made me fuel and drink better. It was incredible to see her!
Rich and I would slug along for the last miles, we saw the girls one more time at a small aid station, and we would wind through what I was convinced was an endless maze of rock, creek beds, ups and downs until we found ourselves not too far from where it all began nearly a day and a half prior. With each step the finish line became closer and all the training and sweat over the summer would quickly come to an end.
I completed Grindstone in just over 35 hours, received my buckle, hugged the totem pole, and finally got back all that I had lost over a year ago in Vermont. It was HARD to say the least, it is a hell of a course that meanders the mountains of Virginia. Grindstone gave me all that I wanted and more...it gave me miles of solitude, miles of conversation, a chance to hang with good friends, a chance to see my wife when I needed her the most. It gave me the best and worst of times.
A big thanks to Rich and Crystal, without you two this doesn't happen. And countless thanks to Kelly for always believing in me, putting up with all my training, and for being my best friend and running buddy for life.
Until next time...
Friday, October 17, 2014
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Changing
I fought the notion for years that people don't change, everything changes around them. I would argue that we were in some shape or form that same person we were ten years ago and the same person we'd be ten years forward. I was more than wrong, in fact I may have changed more than anyone. Although I may be the same person in some shape or form my outlook and views are much different than years past.
Perhaps some of my changing has come from getting older but most of its came from a good combination of good luck, shitty circumstances, watching the kids grow, a bad ass soon to be wife, and exploring miles of trails.
This past weekend I completed the Bull Run 50 Miler, a course I ran in 2012, and through some unseasonably warm spring air I took time to reflect on the whole "where I was and now where I am". I started the race with my good buddy Rich and after the first few miles together we wouldn't meet until the last few. There were stretches throughout the day were I found myself alone, no one in sight. It was during these times that I enjoyed the silence and took a personal inventory of my life.
I've had some tough times over the last couple years but I've also been fortunate to have more than my share of good in my life, actually I have a ton. Sure enough the bad sometimes overshadows the good but again I am fortunate to find those silent miles on dirt trails. They remind that I'll always have memories, but most importantly they help restore gratefulness.
As the race came to an end I found Kelly a few miles from the finish line or maybe she found me, that could be a matter of opinion, and we were able to share some trail miles together. I really was excited to see her, although from what I was told my face didn't show it (love you Kell!) As much as I was shocked to see her (I thought it would be a finish line hug) we caught up to Rich and his wife Crystal and we'd all finish close together.
BRR50 was important to me, although my finish time was a little slower than anticipated it was a boost of confidence, especially after DNF'ing last year at Vermont.
As always it's part of a puzzle....See you at Grindstone!
Perhaps some of my changing has come from getting older but most of its came from a good combination of good luck, shitty circumstances, watching the kids grow, a bad ass soon to be wife, and exploring miles of trails.
This past weekend I completed the Bull Run 50 Miler, a course I ran in 2012, and through some unseasonably warm spring air I took time to reflect on the whole "where I was and now where I am". I started the race with my good buddy Rich and after the first few miles together we wouldn't meet until the last few. There were stretches throughout the day were I found myself alone, no one in sight. It was during these times that I enjoyed the silence and took a personal inventory of my life.
I've had some tough times over the last couple years but I've also been fortunate to have more than my share of good in my life, actually I have a ton. Sure enough the bad sometimes overshadows the good but again I am fortunate to find those silent miles on dirt trails. They remind that I'll always have memories, but most importantly they help restore gratefulness.
As the race came to an end I found Kelly a few miles from the finish line or maybe she found me, that could be a matter of opinion, and we were able to share some trail miles together. I really was excited to see her, although from what I was told my face didn't show it (love you Kell!) As much as I was shocked to see her (I thought it would be a finish line hug) we caught up to Rich and his wife Crystal and we'd all finish close together.
BRR50 was important to me, although my finish time was a little slower than anticipated it was a boost of confidence, especially after DNF'ing last year at Vermont.
As always it's part of a puzzle....See you at Grindstone!
Sunday, December 15, 2013
A Year later
I had somehow convinced myself that today wouldn't be hard, it would just be any other day. Kelly and I had shared in conversation a couple nights ago how I felt rather unemotional about the one year mark of Caryn's passing. I asked how is one year any different than one day, one week, or one month? This morning I went for a run with Brody and it finally hit me...You see I miss my sister more than any words can describe, she was so many things to me, a best friend, a one time roommate, someone I could pick on, she was in all aspects my little sister.
So as we fast forward a year later from what sometimes still feels like a dream I often find myself in a whirlwind of emotions. But what I find that comforts me that most is that I feel like she is still with me, she is with all of us. She may not answer the questions I ask but she reminds me through memories and her smile that we will never forget. And I am convinced that she is the wind that pushes against my back on a hard run, she is the rainbow that we sometimes see, and that she will always be the first ray of sunshine that peaks over the Bay each morning.
I love you Caryn.
So as we fast forward a year later from what sometimes still feels like a dream I often find myself in a whirlwind of emotions. But what I find that comforts me that most is that I feel like she is still with me, she is with all of us. She may not answer the questions I ask but she reminds me through memories and her smile that we will never forget. And I am convinced that she is the wind that pushes against my back on a hard run, she is the rainbow that we sometimes see, and that she will always be the first ray of sunshine that peaks over the Bay each morning.
I love you Caryn.
Friday, July 12, 2013
Feeling Great at 38
It's officially a week out from the Vermont 100 miler and today also happens to be my birthday. Never in a million years would I ever think that at my age I would be preparing for 100 mile races alongside preparing for back to school shopping, the two couldn't be further away from each other. However I've found a way to make it work, and making it work in a much simpler way.
The age of 37 brought too much to me, too much for my family. But through it all I've found a way to become more at peace with all that I've endured this past year. Undeniably my sister's death rocked me, it saddened me, and has also angered me, although it has also showed me how to live...my family has become ever more important and running has once again been my crutch.
So in saying all that I can't wait until next Saturday morning at 4 a.m., the start time of VT100. Without a doubt next weekend will be a great adventure. It will be time to see if all the hard training has really worked, it will be time to spend countless hours in the Green Mountains, it will be a great start to 38.
Basically it's...VERMONT OR BUST.
The age of 37 brought too much to me, too much for my family. But through it all I've found a way to become more at peace with all that I've endured this past year. Undeniably my sister's death rocked me, it saddened me, and has also angered me, although it has also showed me how to live...my family has become ever more important and running has once again been my crutch.
So in saying all that I can't wait until next Saturday morning at 4 a.m., the start time of VT100. Without a doubt next weekend will be a great adventure. It will be time to see if all the hard training has really worked, it will be time to spend countless hours in the Green Mountains, it will be a great start to 38.
Basically it's...VERMONT OR BUST.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Eastern Divide 50k...ready or not
This past weekend we headed out to the mountains of southwest Virginia and ran the Eastern Divide 50k. It turned out to be a great race, great weekend, and a good chunk of hills, just what I wanted. This was also the last race in my training for VT100. Now it's time to trust my training, start honing in my nutrition, and getting some rest(that'll be the tough part). Here's the race in a nutshell.
Eastern Divide is a point to point race that is ran at ~4000' for most of the race and according to my new GPS Fenix ascends nearly 5500' and descends roughly 3700'. We parked near Mountain Lake and were shuttled to the start at the Cascades trail. The first few miles were pretty tough climbing almost 1800' and offered some great views including a massive waterfall around mile 2. After making our way to the first aid station we climbed another 500' and started a slow descent. The next 10-12 miles were rolling fire roads some with panoramic views of neighboring West Virginia.
Around mile 17 or so we started another tough climb that would lead us into single track trails that began at mile 22. All day long the trails were great, never crowded, and the people we met were pretty cool. The race must have been pretty legit because a couple of the people we met were using it as 100 mile training. Aid stations were top notch and the volunteers were outstanding. After winding through trails lined with huge hemlocks and ferns we had a short meadow crossing and then one final descent that would eventually wrap us around Mountain Lake and shortly after we would cross the finish line.
We moved all day at a consistent pace, never being passed by another runner, and passing aprox. a half dozen or more. Our pace on the climbs was nice and we were even commended on how quickly we moved up them, not too bad eh? All in all everything about Eastern Divide was great, the race director made sure to congratulate every runner that crossed the finish line. After a quick wardrobe change we grabbed some good grub and a fat tire rolle bolle and watched a few more runners cross the line.
To sum it up the race was more than we wanted and we ran a pretty decent race for a couple flatlanders. Kelly again managed to PR ( I should mention that this was her third 50k of the season and third PR, pretty badass huh?). So now it's go time. Time to officially put my 100 mile hat on and get mentally focused.
Eastern Divide is a point to point race that is ran at ~4000' for most of the race and according to my new GPS Fenix ascends nearly 5500' and descends roughly 3700'. We parked near Mountain Lake and were shuttled to the start at the Cascades trail. The first few miles were pretty tough climbing almost 1800' and offered some great views including a massive waterfall around mile 2. After making our way to the first aid station we climbed another 500' and started a slow descent. The next 10-12 miles were rolling fire roads some with panoramic views of neighboring West Virginia.
Around mile 17 or so we started another tough climb that would lead us into single track trails that began at mile 22. All day long the trails were great, never crowded, and the people we met were pretty cool. The race must have been pretty legit because a couple of the people we met were using it as 100 mile training. Aid stations were top notch and the volunteers were outstanding. After winding through trails lined with huge hemlocks and ferns we had a short meadow crossing and then one final descent that would eventually wrap us around Mountain Lake and shortly after we would cross the finish line.
We moved all day at a consistent pace, never being passed by another runner, and passing aprox. a half dozen or more. Our pace on the climbs was nice and we were even commended on how quickly we moved up them, not too bad eh? All in all everything about Eastern Divide was great, the race director made sure to congratulate every runner that crossed the finish line. After a quick wardrobe change we grabbed some good grub and a fat tire rolle bolle and watched a few more runners cross the line.
To sum it up the race was more than we wanted and we ran a pretty decent race for a couple flatlanders. Kelly again managed to PR ( I should mention that this was her third 50k of the season and third PR, pretty badass huh?). So now it's go time. Time to officially put my 100 mile hat on and get mentally focused.
This year so has had many up and downs but training for Vermont has allowed me to take small breaks and just run. My training this year has given me a new found love for the mountains. I feel that I have experienced and grown more as a person and runner in these last few months than the last couple years. I can't wait for Vermont, I am counting the days. I can only hope that this year is half as good as last. 
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Two for one
A little more than two weeks ago Kelly and I packed the truck and headed out to beautiful West Virginia for the Capon Valley 50k for a day of rain, mud, and hills. Capon was also five weeks post surgery so with a lack of good training I wasn't sure how I would bounce back.
Once we arrived and picked up our bibs we walked back to where we had parked to finish getting ready for the rest of our day. The race started on time and after a mile or so of grass and pavement we hit the trails. It rained for the first couple hours of the race but even if it had been a sunny start our feet would have still been wet due to the fifteen water crossings (this is an estimated guess). The course was everything I was hoping for in fact it was almost like a miniature VT100. It had the right amount of climbing, flats, and downhills. I even had the chance to meet another runner who was training for his first 100, and even better his first VT100.
The course quickly turned rather muddy but I still really enjoyed it, although it would be a great course to run on a drier day. Finally after many ups, downs, mud, and yes more water crossings we finished the race in pretty good shape. We grabbed some post race food, chatted about the race and then made the drive back to Maryland. All in all a really fun experience.
Next in line was my second chance to get my much needed 50 miler in the books. We would head to Philadelphia for the Dirty German Endurance Festival. Kelly ran the 25k and reminded me that she isn't the one training for a 100 miler. Although she's right I'm more than confident that I will have the best trained pacer on the VT100 course, and to prove it she finished 18th overall female!
The 50mile course consisted of a short 3.5 mile loop and then 3 15.5 mile loops. The terrain was a mix of single and double track that had minimal climbing but did roll and then a stretch of pavement that covered 3.5 miles. I wasn't too pressed on running for a time rather hoping that I could focus on a solid nutrition/hydration schedule. For the most part I did a pretty good job and subsequently ran a sub 10 hour race.
I'm fairly certain that I wouldn't run the Dirty German 50 Miler again, not because it wasn't ran great or because I didn't care for the course, but because I am finding that I prefer to head away from cities to run. I'm finding that the more time I spend running trails the more I find myself more at home and excited in the smaller mountains and hills that are a short car drive away. And although you'll find me getting my weekday mileage in on the pavement my thoughts are in planning which trail I'll run on my free weekends.
These two races were much different both in distance and in atmosphere. Without a doubt, despite not having the best weather, I enjoyed Capon over DG. Perhaps it's because I enjoy the walk breaks I get on the climbs or the the quietness and solitude you can find on more rural races. I again found a way to use these races as tools, for both my training and life.
The countdown for Vermont is on and I can't wait...it's going to be a special day.
Once we arrived and picked up our bibs we walked back to where we had parked to finish getting ready for the rest of our day. The race started on time and after a mile or so of grass and pavement we hit the trails. It rained for the first couple hours of the race but even if it had been a sunny start our feet would have still been wet due to the fifteen water crossings (this is an estimated guess). The course was everything I was hoping for in fact it was almost like a miniature VT100. It had the right amount of climbing, flats, and downhills. I even had the chance to meet another runner who was training for his first 100, and even better his first VT100.
The course quickly turned rather muddy but I still really enjoyed it, although it would be a great course to run on a drier day. Finally after many ups, downs, mud, and yes more water crossings we finished the race in pretty good shape. We grabbed some post race food, chatted about the race and then made the drive back to Maryland. All in all a really fun experience.
Next in line was my second chance to get my much needed 50 miler in the books. We would head to Philadelphia for the Dirty German Endurance Festival. Kelly ran the 25k and reminded me that she isn't the one training for a 100 miler. Although she's right I'm more than confident that I will have the best trained pacer on the VT100 course, and to prove it she finished 18th overall female!
The 50mile course consisted of a short 3.5 mile loop and then 3 15.5 mile loops. The terrain was a mix of single and double track that had minimal climbing but did roll and then a stretch of pavement that covered 3.5 miles. I wasn't too pressed on running for a time rather hoping that I could focus on a solid nutrition/hydration schedule. For the most part I did a pretty good job and subsequently ran a sub 10 hour race.
I'm fairly certain that I wouldn't run the Dirty German 50 Miler again, not because it wasn't ran great or because I didn't care for the course, but because I am finding that I prefer to head away from cities to run. I'm finding that the more time I spend running trails the more I find myself more at home and excited in the smaller mountains and hills that are a short car drive away. And although you'll find me getting my weekday mileage in on the pavement my thoughts are in planning which trail I'll run on my free weekends.
These two races were much different both in distance and in atmosphere. Without a doubt, despite not having the best weather, I enjoyed Capon over DG. Perhaps it's because I enjoy the walk breaks I get on the climbs or the the quietness and solitude you can find on more rural races. I again found a way to use these races as tools, for both my training and life.
The countdown for Vermont is on and I can't wait...it's going to be a special day.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
2 weeks of what!?!
Instead of preparing for BRR 50 miler this coming weekend I am finding myself trying to prepare for the next week and a half of absolutely no running. This past Saturday night I had my appendix removed, unexpectedly and a little unwilling...c'mon I had a race in one week! Doctor's orders are simple: No running for the next two weeks, no strength or core training for a month. I'm already feeling better but trying to mentally grasp this notion has been more than tough.
When I was first given the news that me and my unhappy appendix had to part ways, and it wasn't gas from a couple days of unhealthy eating, I was filled with disappointment and immediately began flipping through my mental calendar. This weekend was a big part of my VT100 training, followed by two fairly challenging 50k's the next two months. However now that things have settled I know that I still have plenty of time to train and prepare.
I've always found a way to understand that "things happen for a reason" and this is no different. For the last few years the longest span that I haven't ran has probably only been a week at the most, simply put I haven't taken a break. SOoo this is it, this is my break. After the next couple weeks when I return smart and slowly to running I should have no excuse not to feel great and my legs refreshed and start kicking some butt again.
John
When I was first given the news that me and my unhappy appendix had to part ways, and it wasn't gas from a couple days of unhealthy eating, I was filled with disappointment and immediately began flipping through my mental calendar. This weekend was a big part of my VT100 training, followed by two fairly challenging 50k's the next two months. However now that things have settled I know that I still have plenty of time to train and prepare.
I've always found a way to understand that "things happen for a reason" and this is no different. For the last few years the longest span that I haven't ran has probably only been a week at the most, simply put I haven't taken a break. SOoo this is it, this is my break. After the next couple weeks when I return smart and slowly to running I should have no excuse not to feel great and my legs refreshed and start kicking some butt again.
John
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